St. Petersburg, October 30th, 1814 · The Shattered Congress
St. Petersburg Gazette
By Vladimir Alistov
The St. Petersburg Gazette is proud to report that, by unanimous consent of the Congress of Vienna, Tsar Alexander I has been lawfully crowned the King of Poland! Sources say that this outcome was the obvious solution for the betterment of both Russia and Poland as well as preserving the peace in Europe.
"Russian control of Poland is simply the most natural and stable geopolitical structure for Europe," said one source. "The Grand Duchy of Warsaw proved once and for all that the Poles cannot be trusted with their own foreign affairs when they sided with the warmonger Napoleon. But under the wise and holy guidance of the Tsar, Russia will be safe, Poland will be prosperous, and Europe will be peaceful."
The Austrian and British embassies declined to comment on this story.